The Longest Night - part two
I got back to my home a little after 10 p.m. It is remarkable how much your life can change in such a short period of time. It's even more remarkable how much of the time, your life isn't really changing at all.
My Mom comes up from San Diego every week and stays with us to watch the Chicken on Thursdays and Fridays. She's still awake but the Chicken is fast asleep in her Madeline-themed room.
I don't really remember what my Mom said to me. I just remember standing in our front room and for the first time (and not the last) I started to cry. This wasn't some Chief Ironeyes Cody tear slowly rolling down my cheek either. This was full-blown-Charles Schultz-Charlie Brown-tears-leaping-from-my-eyes-like-a-lawn-sprinkler crying.
The Chicken had recently started covering up her eyes to try to hide from my wife and I. For some reason, I imitated her as I stood in front of my Mom.
She did her best to console me and she almost immediately hit upon something that was really hurting me.
"Baby, you are too young to be going through this."
That was it. I WAS too young to be going through this. My dad was only 62. This entire situation could be summed up in two words - it's bullshit.
Number 2 was going to be here soon and I wanted to compose myself before he arrived. I started heading to the bedroom but before I left I found myself yelling at my Mom.
"You had better plan on being here for at least another 30 years because I can not handle going through this again anytime soon!"
She promised me that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
While I was changing clothes, I heard Number 2 show up. I gave him some time alone with our Mom.
My parents have been divorced for 23 years and haven't really had much contact during that time. Ever since I was 12, I've been uncomfortable when the two of them were in the same room together. It usually meant that either myself or Number 2 was in trouble (okay...let's not kid ourselves here, it wasn't me that was getting into trouble). After my Mom remarried, it got to be a whole new type of uncomfortable.
There wasn't much to talk about this night. We sat in silence drinking Cokes and I turned on Big Brother 6 which had been Tivo'ed earlier this evening.
My mom got a blanket out for Number 2 and he went to sleep on the couch. (My Mom sleeps on an aerobed in the living room). I headed off to bed.
Anybody that knows me probably won't be surprised to find out that I fall asleep with the television on every night. The Tonight Show was on and I started watching Jay.
Then Conan came on.
Then it was Carson Daly.
Then it was Jay again.
Then Conan again....DAMN IT WHY CAN'T I GO TO SLEEP!!!
How can you be so tired and so wide awake?
I needed to talk to somebody but there was nobody to talk to at O dark : 30.
I sent an email to my best friend, the Rabbi, to let him know what was happening. He was leaving in just 10 days to live in Israel again for a year. At least my Dad passed in time for the Rabbi to come to the services. It would have been terrible to go through this without him.
It was still about an hour a way from being able to call the Commander at Space Camp to let her know what was going on. But my grandmother wakes up early every day to pray for about...oh I don't know.....ten gazillion people so I thought I'd give her a call.
She picks up on the first ring.
I cry some more as I talk to her. I feel terrible that she has to bury a son but all of her sisters have had to do that as well. My father and I had just attended a memorial service for one of his younger cousins in the spring.
I ask her about what she would like us to do regarding my dad's memorial service. She tells me that Number 2 and I should do whatever we feel is the right thing to do.
So there it is.
If I had any doubts of it before, I know now that I'm officially an adult. With my brother, I'm going to make funeral arrangements for our father. How weird does that sound?
I get off the phone with my grandma and look at the clock. The Commander could call me at any time but I'll wait another 30 minutes to call her.
I'm going to tell her that my father is dead and I'm going to have to relive the entire experience of the previous night while doing it.
My Mom comes up from San Diego every week and stays with us to watch the Chicken on Thursdays and Fridays. She's still awake but the Chicken is fast asleep in her Madeline-themed room.
I don't really remember what my Mom said to me. I just remember standing in our front room and for the first time (and not the last) I started to cry. This wasn't some Chief Ironeyes Cody tear slowly rolling down my cheek either. This was full-blown-Charles Schultz-Charlie Brown-tears-leaping-from-my-eyes-like-a-lawn-sprinkler crying.
The Chicken had recently started covering up her eyes to try to hide from my wife and I. For some reason, I imitated her as I stood in front of my Mom.
She did her best to console me and she almost immediately hit upon something that was really hurting me.
"Baby, you are too young to be going through this."
That was it. I WAS too young to be going through this. My dad was only 62. This entire situation could be summed up in two words - it's bullshit.
Number 2 was going to be here soon and I wanted to compose myself before he arrived. I started heading to the bedroom but before I left I found myself yelling at my Mom.
"You had better plan on being here for at least another 30 years because I can not handle going through this again anytime soon!"
She promised me that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
While I was changing clothes, I heard Number 2 show up. I gave him some time alone with our Mom.
My parents have been divorced for 23 years and haven't really had much contact during that time. Ever since I was 12, I've been uncomfortable when the two of them were in the same room together. It usually meant that either myself or Number 2 was in trouble (okay...let's not kid ourselves here, it wasn't me that was getting into trouble). After my Mom remarried, it got to be a whole new type of uncomfortable.
There wasn't much to talk about this night. We sat in silence drinking Cokes and I turned on Big Brother 6 which had been Tivo'ed earlier this evening.
My mom got a blanket out for Number 2 and he went to sleep on the couch. (My Mom sleeps on an aerobed in the living room). I headed off to bed.
Anybody that knows me probably won't be surprised to find out that I fall asleep with the television on every night. The Tonight Show was on and I started watching Jay.
Then Conan came on.
Then it was Carson Daly.
Then it was Jay again.
Then Conan again....DAMN IT WHY CAN'T I GO TO SLEEP!!!
How can you be so tired and so wide awake?
I needed to talk to somebody but there was nobody to talk to at O dark : 30.
I sent an email to my best friend, the Rabbi, to let him know what was happening. He was leaving in just 10 days to live in Israel again for a year. At least my Dad passed in time for the Rabbi to come to the services. It would have been terrible to go through this without him.
It was still about an hour a way from being able to call the Commander at Space Camp to let her know what was going on. But my grandmother wakes up early every day to pray for about...oh I don't know.....ten gazillion people so I thought I'd give her a call.
She picks up on the first ring.
I cry some more as I talk to her. I feel terrible that she has to bury a son but all of her sisters have had to do that as well. My father and I had just attended a memorial service for one of his younger cousins in the spring.
I ask her about what she would like us to do regarding my dad's memorial service. She tells me that Number 2 and I should do whatever we feel is the right thing to do.
So there it is.
If I had any doubts of it before, I know now that I'm officially an adult. With my brother, I'm going to make funeral arrangements for our father. How weird does that sound?
I get off the phone with my grandma and look at the clock. The Commander could call me at any time but I'll wait another 30 minutes to call her.
I'm going to tell her that my father is dead and I'm going to have to relive the entire experience of the previous night while doing it.
posted by JVW at 9:08 PM
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