Front Row Seats

Have you ever had a moment when you felt like everyone in your immediate vicinity was looking at you?

That's how I felt when I got out of the car.

I quickly gathered everything I brought with me (the eulogy I wrote, the CD's that would be played during the services, and some pictures of the Chicken that we were going to request be placed inside the casket with my dad) and walked the 150 yards to the chapel entrance.

Although I saw friends and family gathered outside, nobody approached me. It could have been because I was freaking some folks out by wearing what my dad would be wearing if he had been attending. Or maybe it was just because I was walking with a purpose.

I wanted to see how everything was set up.

I entered the chapel and I was surprised at what I saw.

Flowers were everywhere.

It wasn't like when Princess Diana died or anything but I didn't expect over a dozen flower arrangements to be there. I had always thought that it was such a waste to send flowers to a funeral but this experience changed my mind about that. Every arrangement said the exact same thing to me - "We miss your dad, too."

I approached my dad's casket and placed my hand on it. It was smooth to the touch and slightly cold. It wasn't as small as I thought it was going to be. It looked like to me that he would have plenty of room in there.

Mr. Stream approached me and asked how I was doing.

I just turned and blinked at him. How am I going to speak if I can answer a simple question like that?

The representative from the funeral home comes up behind Mr. Stream and introduces himself to me. He puts on an empathetic face but if you look deeper, you can see that he's only concerned about turning over the chapel to the next service.

He asks if I have the CDs. I respond in the affirmative and he escorts me to the room immediately behind my dad's casket. There's an organ back there and a closed circuit monitor of the chapel. He introduces me to the organist.

"Do you want me to play anything on the organ as your guests arrive?"

I tell her what order to play the music in and let her know that I don't really want the organ.

"God Only Knows is really nice. The services for Brian Wilson's mom were held here and he sang that song then," she shared.

I nod and head back into the chapel.

The Commander has set up the memory board she's created and people are looking at that. My Mom has taken the Chicken. She's wants my wife to be with me for this.

The theme from High Road to China begins to play.

I see my grandparents and my uncle and aunt enter the chapel and I go to greet them.

I'm five feet away from my grandma and she asks me, "Who's standing there?" It has got to be a bitch to lose your sight.

"It's me grandma."

She's startled that it is me. She's been so frustrated with getting old and having both her body and mind begin to fail her. But for 88 years old, I still think she's doing pretty good.

She pulls me to her to give me a hug. I haven't seen her since Easter. My dad had asked if we could bring the Chicken out to see her great-grandparents because he didn't think that they would be around too much longer. I had videotaped much of the time that we spent out there to have footage of her with her great-grandparents.

Oh my god. I have video of my dad with the Chicken and I totally forgot about it.

Mr. Stream pulls me away and I grab some tissues and head to the front row.

We are just about ready to get this started.