Change of Plans

Joan Didion writes in "The Year of Magical Thinking"
that when a loved one dies it can be like this - "You
sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends."

It is a pretty powerful description about how one
moment, you are cruising through your existence
without a meaningful care in the world when out of
nowhere - a friend or family member suddenly passes
away.

When I first read that line, I was struck how simply
she was able to nail exactly what it was like for me
when my dad passed.

Unfortunately, my family has experienced another loss
this weekend.

Because of this, I will be leaving writing about last
August momentarily and write about this week for the
next seven days.

Because sometimes you sit down to dinner and life as
you know it ends.

And this time, that's exactly how it happened to me.

I had a pretty happening Friday night planned. The
Commander and the Chicken were going to spend the
night at my in-laws. My mother-in-law was visiting
her mother out of town and my father-in-law (Big
Daddy) wanted to have all of his granddaughters over.

I don't think I've ever explained why my father-in-law
is called Big Daddy. When my sister-in-law was a
child, she got confused about what to call her
grandfather and was referring to him as "Daddy." My
mother-in-law corrected her and said, "No, that's your
Big Daddy."

The name stuck for a grandpa in this family and when
the Chicken's first cousin started to talk, she was
taught to call my father-in-law Big Daddy (even though
he should probably be Big Daddy 2).

Anyway, back to my Friday night. I was going to have
some carne asada soft tacos and watch Wedding Crashers
on DVD.

Before I can eat the first taco, the phone rings.

It's the Commander and she's upset.

"Big Daddy died today."

Her grandfather was dead.

It was kind of amazing. Our roles that we had in July
when my dad died had now completely reversed. The
Commander was now giving me the bad news.

And frankly, I went kind of numb.

The Commander's Big Daddy lived to be 90
years old. He outlived his wife, Huckleberry, by more
than two decades. He outlived all of his siblings.
And probably most importantly for any New Englander...

He got to see his Red Sox win a World Series.

Although he had health problems over the last few
years, he had definitely lived a good life.

But regardless of your parents age, when you lose them
I've discovered that it hurts just as bad.

And it's the people that all stepped up for me when my
father passed that are hurting the most.

They are my family and I'll be going with them to
Connecticut this week to say goodbye to Big Daddy.

VW