Funeral for a Friend (Another out of order story)
Today (January 3rd) I went to my first funeral since my dad's and it was a sad one.
There have been a couple of opportunities for me to attend other funerals in the last five months but I've managed to avoid them. I'll write about both of those later.
Today was different.
Today was a funeral for a friend.
I was surprised when I heard about it last week as it popped up in an email at work but I really shouldn't have been. Christina had not been in good health for many years and where her spirit could probably keep up the fight, I think her body finally wore out.
Another manager that I work with was kind enough to go along with me today. Honestly, I don't think I could have gone by myself. I knew that I would see other friends there but it was nice to have a wingman today, just in case.
Going to the funeral also meant a return to Long Beach for me. I haven't been there since we found tenants for my dad's place (another story coming up, I promise).
It was bad enough that we were saying goodbye to such a great person but on top of that, I knew that I was risking having all of the grief that I still have for my dad bubble up to the surface.
As we pulled up to the church, I felt a weird connection to this part of Long Beach. I looked across the street and realized that the elementary school that my grandma had worked at as the secretary was sitting diagonally from the church. I hadn't been in this part of Long Beach in almost 30 years.
We walked into the church and waited to pay our respects to Christina's family. I only spoke to her husband. Jason and Christina had attended our wedding and now I'm here to see him say goodbye to his wife in the church that they were married in. It isn't fair but you would never know if Jason felt that way. While he is certainly grieving, there is a certain calmness to his demeanor. I don't know how he's doing it because I would be in the fetal position if I was going through this.
Like the people that came to my dad's funeral, I have no idea what to say to him. I shake his hand, give him a hug (the manly kind that you see the basketball players give each other), and tell him that I'm so sorry for everything.
Jason quietly thanks me and I head into the chapel for the services.
Christina is in an open casket but I don't want to see her. We sit near the back and I scan the crowd for other people I know.
Another friend, Robin, approaches us and is crying when she sees me.
"I was so worried that you weren't going to be here. I knew that Christina would've wanted me to call you but I forgot and I was freaking out all the way from San Diego."
Robin, I wouldn't have missed this for the world
Before the service begins, Jason approaches the open casket and takes a final moment to be with Christina. His parents get up from their seats and join him. Each one of them puts an arm around their son as if to support him during this final goodbye. Jason's mom bends down to Christina to either whisper something to her or give her a final kiss.
It is the saddest moment that I have ever been present for.
The mass begins and I find myself getting better and knowing when to stand or sit. Whoever is playing the organ for all of the songs is rockin' today. After listening to him, I've decided that the start of any memorial service for me should begin with "The Final Countdown" by Europe.
Before I know it, the mass is over and Christina's casket is walked down the very same aisle that Jason and Christina walked down for the first time as man and wife.
We exit the church and spend a few minutes catching up with friends that we haven't seen for years. Phone numbers and emails get exchanged between friends. Nobody bothers to give me their phone number. I think most people know that I'll never call.
We head back to the car and I realize that I've made it through the entire funeral without shedding a tear. I'll cry later I'm sure. But for now, I'm ready to go back to work after making a run to the border for some lunch.
VW
There have been a couple of opportunities for me to attend other funerals in the last five months but I've managed to avoid them. I'll write about both of those later.
Today was different.
Today was a funeral for a friend.
I was surprised when I heard about it last week as it popped up in an email at work but I really shouldn't have been. Christina had not been in good health for many years and where her spirit could probably keep up the fight, I think her body finally wore out.
Another manager that I work with was kind enough to go along with me today. Honestly, I don't think I could have gone by myself. I knew that I would see other friends there but it was nice to have a wingman today, just in case.
Going to the funeral also meant a return to Long Beach for me. I haven't been there since we found tenants for my dad's place (another story coming up, I promise).
It was bad enough that we were saying goodbye to such a great person but on top of that, I knew that I was risking having all of the grief that I still have for my dad bubble up to the surface.
As we pulled up to the church, I felt a weird connection to this part of Long Beach. I looked across the street and realized that the elementary school that my grandma had worked at as the secretary was sitting diagonally from the church. I hadn't been in this part of Long Beach in almost 30 years.
We walked into the church and waited to pay our respects to Christina's family. I only spoke to her husband. Jason and Christina had attended our wedding and now I'm here to see him say goodbye to his wife in the church that they were married in. It isn't fair but you would never know if Jason felt that way. While he is certainly grieving, there is a certain calmness to his demeanor. I don't know how he's doing it because I would be in the fetal position if I was going through this.
Like the people that came to my dad's funeral, I have no idea what to say to him. I shake his hand, give him a hug (the manly kind that you see the basketball players give each other), and tell him that I'm so sorry for everything.
Jason quietly thanks me and I head into the chapel for the services.
Christina is in an open casket but I don't want to see her. We sit near the back and I scan the crowd for other people I know.
Another friend, Robin, approaches us and is crying when she sees me.
"I was so worried that you weren't going to be here. I knew that Christina would've wanted me to call you but I forgot and I was freaking out all the way from San Diego."
Robin, I wouldn't have missed this for the world
Before the service begins, Jason approaches the open casket and takes a final moment to be with Christina. His parents get up from their seats and join him. Each one of them puts an arm around their son as if to support him during this final goodbye. Jason's mom bends down to Christina to either whisper something to her or give her a final kiss.
It is the saddest moment that I have ever been present for.
The mass begins and I find myself getting better and knowing when to stand or sit. Whoever is playing the organ for all of the songs is rockin' today. After listening to him, I've decided that the start of any memorial service for me should begin with "The Final Countdown" by Europe.
Before I know it, the mass is over and Christina's casket is walked down the very same aisle that Jason and Christina walked down for the first time as man and wife.
We exit the church and spend a few minutes catching up with friends that we haven't seen for years. Phone numbers and emails get exchanged between friends. Nobody bothers to give me their phone number. I think most people know that I'll never call.
We head back to the car and I realize that I've made it through the entire funeral without shedding a tear. I'll cry later I'm sure. But for now, I'm ready to go back to work after making a run to the border for some lunch.
VW
posted by JVW at 8:18 PM
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