Get the Message Right - Part four

One of my earliest memories of my father is riding the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland with him.

It has always been my favorite attraction but until I was probably 10 years old, there was one part of the attraction that really freaked me out.

It was immediately after the ballroom scene when your doombuggy turns left and you find yourself in the attic of this Southern-style mansion.

It's where the pop ups begin and where I would hide behind my dad's back.

I would flinch each time I would hear one of the pop up scream and my dad would just laugh and tell me that they couldn't get me.

I couldn't help but thing about this now that I'm wandering the cemetery looking for my dad's grave.

I've only been to the grave site once, to pick it out.

And now I can't find it.

Everything here feels familiar but things have changed just enough that I can not find my dad.

I drive to a couple of different spots.

Trying not to intrude on the private moments that are happening all around.

There's a young Japanese girl watering a grave as if she was tending to a field of tulips.

There's an LAPD honor guard getting ready for a cop funeral. I think it is for a retired policeman. I haven't heard of a cop dying recently and I see a license plate that says "WUZFUZZ."

There's a Latino family putting fresh pin wheels on a child's grave.

I finally narrow my search down to a plot that is about 75 yards by 75 yards.

It feels right here.

There are no tombstones here and the markers are placed just under the level of the grass so it ends up covering the edges of the marker. Probably makes it easier to mow these massive lawns.

This patch of graves is also on a slight incline. Making me start to huff and puff and I move around trying to find where my dad is.

I spent a long time looking for him. Probably too long.

But I finally found it.

Right where I left him.

I stand on top of his grave and it feels a little....strange.

The ground is almost concave here. As if his weight has caused the ground to sink a bit here.

I cleared the grass off of his marker. It was the first time that I've seen it.

It's been more than a year since he's been gone and it is still so painful to deal with.

I wish I could tell him what has been going on.

That he's going to have a grandson.

That Number 2 is going to be a sophomore in college at age 35 (yes, R.B. he's still single).

That we bought a new house.

That I'm in a new job.

I don't say any of this. I hate it when characters in movies and tv shows do this.

So I stand there and stare at the marker and think.

I hear bagpipes off in the distance. Must be for the cop funeral.

I can't think of a good reason to stay here any longer.

I take a mental picture of what this place looks like just in case I ever come back here again.

Unless the Chicken or Pancake wants to see it sometime down the road, I don't think I'll ever be back.

VW

Get the Message Right - Part three

It takes me a second before I realize that I've just be escorted into an office that I've been in before.

I'm in my dad's old office.

The older man that invited me in asks me to have a seat.

"VW, what brings you here today?"

Shit. I have to tell that story again.

He tells me that there isn't a plaque here for my dad but he thinks it is amazing that I showed up today.

Suddenly, I feel less like crap.

"VW, I don't know how to tell you this without sounding like a kook but I saw your father on Tuesday night."

I'm stunned but it starts to make a little sense.

"I had one of the most vivid dreams that I have ever had on Tuesday night and your dad was in it. He walked right up to me and VW, he looked great. He looked like he used to when he had just returned from Hawaii. He had a Hawaiian shirt on with his shorts and Vans on."

I can already feel myself tearing up.

"I looked at him and said, Hey you S.O.B.! How the hell are you?"

I can't believe this is happening. He continued telling his story.

"Your dad told me that he was fine and that he was in a great place. I asked him if anyone else could see him and he said I was the only one right now. And then we walked together for a while before I woke up. I got up for a little bit and couldn't believe how vivid the dream was. I went back to sleep and I was right back in the dream and right back there with your dad."

I'm not quite crying but I feel like I have pools in my eyes.

"And now, three days later, you are sitting in my office."

I don't know what to say at this point. I tell him that I have had some very vivid dreams about him too but I haven't in quite some time.

He doesn't know what else to say to me but clearly he's not in a hurry for me to leave.

It is another example of something that is a little too weird to chalk up to coincidence.

The convergence of events that had to come together to get me to THAT office on THAT day to end up getting THAT message is just mind boggling.

I was meant to get that message.

There is no other explanation that I will except.

I thank him for his time and he thanks me for stopping by.

I don't feel like a jackass anymore.

I leave the office not caring that anyone is still staring at me.

I didn't get what I came here for.

But I ended up getting something far better than what I ever could have expected.

I got back into my car and made the left to head to the cemetery.

I had one more stop to make today.

VW

Get the Message Right - Part two

I spent the time in traffic wondering if I should really try to see this plaque.

I didn't call ahead of time.

I don't know if this plaque really exists.

I have a long time to think about this.

I'm afraid I'm going to get there and look like some freak.

I get to the parking lot and my dad's old work looks pretty much the same on the outside as it did 20 years ago (the last time I've been here).

I open the door and it is completely different. Instead of a large and open office, it feels like I just walked into a check cashing place. I'm in a small room behind bullet proof glass and I can see the office staff behind the class.

Why am I getting so nervous right now?

A cute hispanic girl with short hair smiles at me and I can barely hear her say "Can I help you?"

It takes me too long to get my story out. She looks confused.

"My dad used to work here. He died last year. I heard that there was a plaque up here honoring him. I'd like to see it."

She turns to another member of the office staff and asks if she's heard of this plaque.

The other office staff member just says "That guy died last year."

The cute girl that was trying to help me says "Yeah. That's his son right there."

The other office staff member makes eye contact with me and covers her mouth. I tell her that it's okay.

I get invited back into the office.

I feel like people are starting to freak out that I'm there.

They bring me back to a guy in the office that is probably in his late 40's. I introduce myself and he tells me how much he liked my dad.

I ask him if there is a plaque up hanging up here to honor my dad.

He tells me that there isn't.

I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.

Why did I come here and my a jackass out of myself? FUCK!

These people are going to tell my dad's friends that I did this. And those people are going to tell my grandparents.

I just want to get out of here and go to the cemetery.

The guy I was talking to asks me to leave my phone number with the office manager in case anything comes up.

I give the office manager my new phone number while she tells me how much she enjoyed working with my dad.

While I'm doing this, I can feel everyone in the office starting at me.

All semblance of normal office activity has now stopped.

One guy in his early 50's comes out of his office to see what is going on. He stares at me while I'm talking with the office manager.

He looks like he has just seen a ghost.

I look up at him and he looks afraid. After what seems like an eternity, he says something to me.

"VW, when you are done there, could you step into my office for a minute?"

"Of course." I respond.

He disappears back into his office.

I have no idea what he wants to talk to me about.

I just want to leave.

VW