Just Another Day - Part Two

I was sitting in my Mother's parents house in Santa Maria when my dad returned to us.

I couldn't believe it.

For the last year, I had been mourning his death and here he was right in front of me.

My dad was back.

My Mom was the first person to go up to him.

Normally, I don't like seeing my Mom and Dad together. It always made me uncomfortable because it usually meant something bad was going to happen.

But nothing bad was happening.

My dad was back.

My Mom gave him a hug and told him that she'd "been thinking about him."

My dad just smiled.

I told my dad that the Commander and I were going to have a boy in November.

He was thrilled and congratulated me with a level of enthusiasm that I've never seem from him.

He was crying.

My dad then took a rifle off of the wall and headed up to the back yard.

He fired at an animal and went out to retrieve it.

My dad brought it back into the house but I couldn't tell what it was.

The gun fire brought the attention of the Santa Maria Police Department.

They had a helicopter landing in the back yard.

10 SWAT officers where shouting at us but I couldn't hear them and it didn't really matter to me.

My dad was back.

He asked me if I had kept the money that I had received from my inheritance because now that he was alive, he was going to need it.

I still have almost all of it but I felt bad because we had used some to buy new cars and some to buy our new house.

How was I going to pay him back?

I didn't have to worry long about that answer.

Because I woke up.

And as the turtle doves sang to each other outside of my bedroom window, I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep even though I had tears streaming into my pillow.

My dad was back.

And now he's gone again.

I lost him all over.

VW

Just Another Day - Part One

Turns out that July 14th was just another day.

Woke up and took the Chicken to pre-school.

Went into work a little later than normal. I had agreed to facilitate a team building meeting a while back and couldn't get out of it.

But I only stayed for that.

I don't want to be here today.

I don't want to be anywhere today.

The Commander and I are in the process of packing and there is no escape from it because her sister, the Nerdle, is in town orchestrating the packing process.

Intermingled with my belongings, I find my dad's belongings that I've brought over here.

His glasses that have been watching over the Chicken for the past year.

A couple of his autographed books.

The Hawaiian shirt that he wore the day before he died.

I packed all of this crap last July with the Nerdle and here it is a year later and I'm packing it all up again.

I take a break with the Commander and she asks me if I've called Number 2.

I feel like a dick because I hadn't.

It's been a year for him too.

I give him a call but before I share that conversation, I need to give a little context.

I need to tell you about the first time the Commander met my Dad.

It was the end of summer in 1993 and the Commander was coming over to my house for one of our very first dates.

My dad had been in the backyard all day doing what he did most of the time back there.

Sunbathing and reading Penthouse (I'm sure it was for the articles).

Before she came over, I went out in the backyard to talk to him.

No...to threaten him.

"There's a girl coming over that I really like. Do NOT do anything to embarrass me!"

I was nervous waiting for the Commander. She was (and is) something special and I really didn't need my dad to do anything to blow it for me.

When the Commander finally got there, it only took a few moments before my dad made me want to die of embarrassment.

She and I were talking when I heard the back door slam shut.

He came walking into the kitchen wearing nothing but this cheesy terry cloth wrap around his waist.

He pretended to be surprised that someone was here with me.

"WELL, HELLO! WHO IS THIS BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY?"

I don't remember much else of the conversation. I was too mortified.

He was killing me with embarrassment. Couldn't he have at least put a shirt on?

Anyways, back to Number 2.

When I got him on the phone, I asked him if he wanted to come over to our place.

He didn't.

I asked him what he had been up to and he gave me the lowdown on his day.

"Well, first I took Dad's golf clubs and played a round. Then I got home and took an ice cold shower because it was so hot. Then I realized that I didn't want to get dressed right away so I thought maybe I'd wear one of Dad's terry cloth wraps if one was here."

"You didn't, did you?" I asked.

"Found two of them in my closet and I'm sitting here right now wearing one," Number 2 said proudly.

That got me laughing so hard, I thought I was going to pass out.

I'm glad that a new memory was created and old one can now be remembered in a different way.

I thought it was going to be the last time that night that I'd think about my dad.

But when I finally went to sleep, I found out that this wouldn't be the case.

My dad found his way back to me that night.

He showed up as the featured player in one of my dreams.

VW

The Year of Living Dangerously

If feels like there is a creepy grandfather clock down the hallway from me getting ready to strike midnight.

In an hour, it's going to happen.

It will have been one year since my dad passed away.

One year since the Commander went to Space Camp and got her nickname.

One year since I went to the Long Beach Aquarium with the Chicken and my Mom.

One year since the Chicken took the phone of the hook.

One year since my mother-in-law knocked on my door and told me to call Number 2.

One year since my uncle told me my dad was gone.

One year since the Long Beach Police Department was so kind to us.

One year since Number 2 and I looked at each other and just said "What the fuck?"

One year since I said "Bye, Pop."

It feels like yesterday.

And as bad as July 14th, 2005 was for me, it was the start of some great things in my life.

I'm closer to the Commander than I've ever been.

Number 2 has completely changed the direction of his life. He's in school and doing really well. He's sober. And he's doing everything he can to lead a fulfilling life.

For the first time in our lives, he and I are on the same page. I am so proud of him and I know that my dad would be bursting with pride if he was seeing this amazing transformation.

I'm closer to my Mom than I have ever been.

Work is better now than it was a year ago.

The Commander and I are getting ready to move to a larger house to accommodate our little pancake that will be arriving in November.

But maybe the biggest change this past year was making this all public on You Are Out Of The Will.

There are a few of that have posted here or have sent me emails about what I've written here and it means the world to me when I here from someone that my stories have made you laugh or cry.

And then, there are the people that called me to ask me how I was with tomorrow approaching. I can't even express how touched I was that you expressed concern for how I was doing.

Thank you for thinking of me.

I'm so thankful I have this record of my thoughts and experiences. When the Chicken and Pancake are older, I hope they appreciate this snapshot in time.

I know I appreciate all of the snapshots that my dad left for me.

VW

Three Six Five

The Rabbi asked if I was doing anything on Friday.

It took a second before I realized what he was talking about but it finally dawned on me.

Friday will mark a year since my father died.

I had originally thought that it would have just been like any other Friday for me but as July got closer and closer, I realized one thing.

I didn't really want to be at work on that day.

I told another friend of mine that I was going to go ahead and take the day off and I shared with her the reasons why.

Her reply was filled with admonishment - "VW, you need to get over this."

It's a really easy thing to say to someone when you haven't lost either one of your parents.

The fact is she doesn't know. She's not in the club. She doesn't get it.

You don't get over this.

It just becomes less and less painful as time goes on.

So, I'll be at home on Friday instead of work.

Maybe I'll get a little nutty and you all will get another post.

VW

The Big One

Number 2 hasn't worked in about 9 months so I was a bit surprised when I called him today and he told me that he was, in fact, working.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm selling fireworks," replied Number 2.

"Safe and sane or from Mexico?" was my next question.

"Safe and sane...duh!"

My dad loved fireworks. He was always getting the stuff from Mexico. I remember one time I was with him when he got pulled over and he had a huge stash behind his seat in the El Camino. He popped out of the car to meet the cop and told him that he didn't want us getting scared by the police.

Anything to protect the fireworks stash.

"Why are you selling fireworks?"

"All the proceeds go to a women's home for sober living. I'm just trying to help out."

I get back to the real reason why I called but Number 2 brings it back to the fireworks that he's selling.

"There's something in here called THE BIG ONE! but it is only sold in a package of fireworks that costs $500. I want to sell someone THE BIG ONE."

If anyone would like to buy THE BIG ONE, please head to Bellflower and look for Number 2.

He's ready to sell it to you.

VW

The Magic Currency

I recently caught an "Inside the Actor's Studio" with Mike Myers and something he said about his father really resonated with me.

Myers said that the money and fame that he had accumulated had been great but the real measure of his wealth was being able to share all the cool things that happened to him with his father.

It was an entirely different currency he got from his dad.

A magic currency.

When his father passed away, he didn't know how to get that feeling back. There was no place to find that magic currency.

That didn't make sense to me until just a couple of weeks ago when something really cool finally happened for me.

I have already written that we are now expecting our second child but I don't think I've shared that we now know the gender.

We found out that we are having a boy.

My first reaction was of disbelief. I thought we'd be having another girl for sure.

I never even let myself think for a moment that this second child might be anything other than a girl.

But it is a boy.

After we left the doctor's office, I thought of all the people that we needed to call.

The Commander's Mom and Dad.

Number 2.

My Mom and Dad....whoa....waitaminute.

Why would I even think that we would call my dad?

How weird is that?

And that's when I started to get a little bummed about not being able to share the cool stuff with him, just like Mike Myers described.

But even though my dad won't be here to share this with us, I catch myself doing things with the Chicken just like he would've done with me and Number 2 when we were kids (like putting her up on the counter at McDonald's and letting her pay).

And every time something like that happens, I get a little piece of that magic currency again.

VW

Pro-cras-ti-nation time, C'mon! We're gonna procrastinate now!

The letters have been coming about every six to eight weeks.

And every six to eight weeks, I stick them in my "Dad" file.

Unopened.

Unread.

They are from the funeral home.

I don't need to read them because I know what they say.

They have been waiting for me to give them the final instructions for my dad's grave marker.

It's been nearly a year now since he passed and I can't do it.

I don't know why.

I've been able to get just about everything else done this past year.

But not this.

Then recently, I got a package from the funeral home and I opened that up.

Here's what it read:

Regarding marker:

It has come to my attention that a paid in full maker is on hold for your father.

Let me assist you in completing the marker. I have attached a Marker Authorization Form along with a packet to help you choose the needed information. If you wish to have the Marker completed and set, fill out the following Form and mail it back in the envelope enclosed.

If you have any questions or need additional assistance call me @ (562) xxx-xxxx.

Sincerely,

Ron
Information Counselor

Taking a look at the forms, there really wasn't a lot for me to fill out.

Ron was kind enough to use a yellow highlighter to indicate where I needed to sign and what information he needed from me.

So today was finally the day.

I won't be receiving any more letters from the funeral home. They'll be getting one from me instead.

In the short time it took me to finish filling out the form, my face was once again soaked in tears.

Maybe it was because I see this as the final act of taking care of things for my father.

Maybe it was because we are only 11 days away from the first anniversary of his passing.

I don't know.

The marker should be placed within nine to twelve weeks.

I think I'll take the Chicken out there when it is done.

VW