The Big Booty Call - part one
There are just some things that I would rather not have pop into my brain.
Mostly, they are made up of the most embarrassing moments of my life (occasionally fueled by alcohol).
But I think the one thought that you try to banish the quickest is the one that I have to deal with next.
The idea of your parents having sex.
Just the concept makes me want to shut my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears, and say "I CAN'T HEAR YOU" over and over again until the thought goes away.
But I found something in the box that I picked up from my dad's office and now I was going to have to deal with that concept head on.
It was a letter. It was stamped personal and confidential.
Looking back, I shouldn't have read it. It wasn't any of my business. But I'm at a point where I have to examine every artifact that I find from my dad's life.
It looked like that it was from my dad's ex-girlfriend, T.J. (She was the one that jumped on the hood of my dad's car during their final break up fight).
I go ahead and open the letter.
Immediately, I'm sorry that I did.
I'm not going to reprint the letter here much less go into the details of the letter.
It is just too graphic.
Here is what I can tell you.
It was written about five years ago by someone that my dad had ended a sexual relationship with. (I want to stick pencils in my eyes just looking at what I've just written).
She is hurt and confused in the letter. She also takes responsibility for being the catalyst of the end of this relationship.
Like any car accident I've ever passed, I can't take my eyes off of this letter.
I read it over and over again.
Because it doesn't make sense to me.
I thought it was from T.J. because of the how the letter was signed.
But I realize that the return address from Garden Grove and not Altadena where my dad and T.J. once lived together.
It took a while but it finally clicked. This letter wasn't from T.J. at all. It was from another woman and I wasn't entirely sure who it was.
But I had a pretty decent guess.
I think it was from Fat Kathy - my dad's booty call.
I tell myself to throw away the letter but I can't do it. I've spent the last few weeks taken care of all of my father's unfinished business.
And now I had one more item added to my list.
I'm going to tell Fat Kathy that my father is dead.
VW
Mostly, they are made up of the most embarrassing moments of my life (occasionally fueled by alcohol).
But I think the one thought that you try to banish the quickest is the one that I have to deal with next.
The idea of your parents having sex.
Just the concept makes me want to shut my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears, and say "I CAN'T HEAR YOU" over and over again until the thought goes away.
But I found something in the box that I picked up from my dad's office and now I was going to have to deal with that concept head on.
It was a letter. It was stamped personal and confidential.
Looking back, I shouldn't have read it. It wasn't any of my business. But I'm at a point where I have to examine every artifact that I find from my dad's life.
It looked like that it was from my dad's ex-girlfriend, T.J. (She was the one that jumped on the hood of my dad's car during their final break up fight).
I go ahead and open the letter.
Immediately, I'm sorry that I did.
I'm not going to reprint the letter here much less go into the details of the letter.
It is just too graphic.
Here is what I can tell you.
It was written about five years ago by someone that my dad had ended a sexual relationship with. (I want to stick pencils in my eyes just looking at what I've just written).
She is hurt and confused in the letter. She also takes responsibility for being the catalyst of the end of this relationship.
Like any car accident I've ever passed, I can't take my eyes off of this letter.
I read it over and over again.
Because it doesn't make sense to me.
I thought it was from T.J. because of the how the letter was signed.
But I realize that the return address from Garden Grove and not Altadena where my dad and T.J. once lived together.
It took a while but it finally clicked. This letter wasn't from T.J. at all. It was from another woman and I wasn't entirely sure who it was.
But I had a pretty decent guess.
I think it was from Fat Kathy - my dad's booty call.
I tell myself to throw away the letter but I can't do it. I've spent the last few weeks taken care of all of my father's unfinished business.
And now I had one more item added to my list.
I'm going to tell Fat Kathy that my father is dead.
VW
posted by JVW at 9:33 PM
1 Comments:
So we do have some overlapping in our worlds... ty for the comment. I giggled out loud reading this blog and could almost see you with your fingers in your ears!
One thought (from the queen of avoidance mind you)... only make that call if YOU want to. It will not be a happy call on either end. If you allow some time to pass it may make it an easier conversation for both of you.
I think things happen for a reason... like you finding this letter. There was a reason that your Dad kept the letter and a reason that you should connect with FatKathy (and the name makes me want to put my pencils in my eyes too...lol) I just think you need to be ready to have the conversation. 1. to handle it well and 2. to reep what you need to from the conversation and connection. Perhaps she can tell you about a part of your Dad that you didnt know. Are you ready for that?
I literally ran away to London a short while ago to deal with my grief.... I have some really big unresolved feelings about my Mom... on the return flight (I will not go into the UNBELIEVABLE details) I ran into a man that my Mother dated 30 years ago. I have a shoebox of his letters to her... and I recognized him straight away. Unfortunately I am at a selfish stage and couldnt listen to him talk about her. I know I will want all of the information in a year or so but not now.
Gosh I am sorry for blabbing on and on... my belabored point is be ready or keep that door open for later.
Thanks for blogging this it really does help to blog and to read about others having similar issues! k
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